EyeItalia

Heard any good Carabinieri jokes lately? If you’ve been to Italy, chances are that you have. These jokes are so famous and have been around for so long that there is actually part of a website dedicated to them. Ironically, and in a Felliniesque-kind-of-way, the website: www.carabinieri.it, belongs to none other than the Carabinieri themselves: Italy’s foremost police force!

Here’s a sample of some classic Carabinieri jokes found under the “Umorismo” header of the website:

Why do Carabinieri always travel in two’s?
One reads and the other writes.
Why do Carabinieri sometimes travel in three’s?
Because the third officer likes to travel in the company of well-educated people!

Why is there a red stripe on the pants of the Carabinieri uniform?
So the Carabiniere knows where the leg goes.

How do the Carabinieri empty the patrol car ashtray?
Turn the car upside down and shake it.

INSECURE? NOT THE CARABINIERI!
Only an extremely self-confident police force would feature jokes, made at their expense, on their official website. Even though they have been the traditional butt of humor that implies a “stereotypical incompetence and inability to think beyond blind obedience,” the Carabienieri are now widely considered as one of country’s most trusted and competent institutions.

The Arma dei Carabinieri was first a corps of cavalrymen ”armed with a carbine rifle,” created in 1814 by King Vittorio Emanuele I of Savoy as a police force for the Piedmont region of Northern Italy. Today it is a branch of the Italian Armed Forces, serving as a national police and in times of conflict are also dispatched on military peacekeeping missions abroad, including Kosovo, Afghanistan and Iraq.

TODAY’S CARABINIERI: KEYSTONE COPS TURNED CSI
How did the Carabinieri get such a bad rap, you wonder?  The image of a bumbling Keystone-type-of-cop comes from decades ago, when substandard job qualifications attracted many eager, but under-educated candidates from the impoverished Italian south. The updated entrance exam is rigorous and the competition is fierce: the new generation of Carabinieri now includes women and has a five-year study program, including courses at the Modena Academy and a Law Degree from the Carabinieri Officers Training College. The glamour of the job has lately been enhanced with a number of new Italian television programs similar to the American-style police investigation series like“CSI,” but with less entrails.

Today’s force has a younger, hipper, better-built and much more sophisticated recruit, although the Carabinieri have always been impeccably dressed and had way better hair than any of their European counterparts! Accessorized with the latest, coolest pair of sunglasses, you’ve got the modern version of the Carabinieri: serious, sophisticated, sexy and smart with a sense humor. What more could Italy want?

THE CARABINIERI STRIKE OIL…OLIVE OIL
How about a police force to investigate oil…olive oil? As of October 2008, just in time for the olive harvest, a special 20-member force was instituted as a food piracy squad, trained to recognize counterfeit extra virgin olive oil. These uniformed Carabinieri gourmands are busily tasting oils up and down the peninsula, possessing such a refined palate and keen eye that they can determine where a particular oil is from and detemine whether what is inside of the bottle matches the information on the label.

LA POLIZIA: PATROL CAR AT 204 MPH
Another of Italy’s police forces is the “Polizia” National Police, which incidentally, have no jokes and they don’t laugh at themselves. Less “simpatico” than the Carabinieri, their responsibilities are common patrolling, investigation and law enforcement but include the additional responsibility of patroling the Italian tollroad “autostrada” network. Curiously, in 10 years of driving here, I have never seen a Polizia stop anyone for speeding or a moving violation, even before the inception of “autovelox” radar speed traps. Possibly because they are busy challenging some speeding laws themselves since the Lazio Region’s recent addition of a custom built Lamborghini Gallardo sports car capable of reaching 204 mph. The car patrols the infamously dangerous Rome to Reggio Calabria autostrada and besides being outfitted with the standard sirens and lights, has a small refrigerator for emergency transportation of donor organs. When interviewed, the sole female officer trained to drive the Lamborghini, stated that speeding drivers have been unsually enthusiastic about being stopped and cited, sometimes even volunteering to be taken into custody if it meant riding, or better yet, driving the Lamborghini police car!

LA GUARDIA DI FINANZA: NO JOKE!
Last, but by no means, least, is the humorless Finance Police – “La Guardia di Finanza,” about which there is no joking around. Ominously referred to as “La Finanza;” it is responsible for policing tax evasion, smuggling, drug trafficking, illegal immigration and terrorist financing: duties that in America , would be overseen by the IRS, FBI, DEA, Secret Service and U.S. Customs.

It is Italy’s most dreaded “forza dell’ordine,” dressed in innocuous light gray uniforms, they hit where it really hurts: in the pocketbook and practically all Italians have something to hide. La  Finanza is taken very seriously by everyone….perhaps with the exception of Italy’s current Prime Minister Berlusconi, who has repeatedly altered tax laws to avoid going to jail. This “roving tax squad” makes surprise visits to all places of business, checking that everyone has a receipt for their purchase and that the amount of money in the till matches the amount recorded on the cash register tape. Many visitors to Italy don’t realize that they are required by law to possess a receipt for all goods received, and that the merchant carries equal responsibility of issuing the receipt. 

“BLACK MONEY”: ITALY’S  OTHER ECONOMY
You don’t remember receiving any receipts? That’s because your payment was kept “in nero”…in black…or under the table, and won’t be declared as income by the merchant. Although highly illegal, this parallel Italian economy is an every day way of life and is just as strong…if not stronger…than its aboveboard legal counterpart. Paying “in nero” also provides a margin of barter that can make practically anything; from doctors visits to car parts to hotel rooms, more affordable.

So, on your next visit Italy, keep a lookout for these three law enforcement groups. You won’t have to search long for an impromptu roadside checkpoints which are frequent and everywhere, although most likely as a foreigner you’ll just be waved on. But just in case you are ever stopped, now you’ve got your initial supply of Carabinieri jokes to test out on them…which, by the way, is just a joke.

 

—Text & Photos by Lisa Halderman